A political discussion between Red State conservative Dave Simpson - a former reporter, editor, publisher and columnist - and Greg Bean, Blue Stater and executive editor of GreaterMedia Newspapers. Let us know what you think.

Dear Greg:

I got some good news this morning in the Wall Street Journal, which, as you know, is the bible for greedy capitalist pigs such asmyself, who commonly own Exxon- Mobil stock and are shamelessly enslaving America.

In the "Bookshelf'' column by Dave Shiflett (I like writers named Dave, don't you?), I learned that according to the book "Gross National Happiness'' by Arthur C. Brooks, conservatives such as myself are twice as happy as people like your liberal friends. (I don't say liberals like you, because I've learned that it makes you cranky, which is a sure sign of liberal unhappiness.)

According to Shiflett, Brooks "has assembled an array of statistics to measure the mood of America's citizens, and to discover the reasons they feel as they do.''

Bottom line: "Political conservatives take the happiness prize hands down. Those who identify themselves as conservative or very conservative, he says, are twice as likely to say that they're very happy as those who identify themselves as liberal or very liberal.''

I'm happy to read these results, Greg. No, make that VERY happy.

This comports with something I've noticed aboutmy own son. Back when he was in high school, I made him listen to Rush Limbaugh on the radio when we went on trips. As a result, he was a happy-go-lucky conservative, and I figured someday he'd own Exxon stock, just like his old man. He delighted in arguing with his liberal classmates, and making them cry.

I was proud of the lad.

But, then he went to college and became a liberal. We can hardly talk anymore, what with his crazy beliefs about global warming, immigration and companies like ExxonMobil. I notice that he's almost never very happy, now that he's a liberal.

I want my son back, Greg. I yearn for the good old days, when he listened to Rush, and he made the liberals cry.

I'm purposely mentioning Rush Limbaugh here because I know it willmake you furious. I remember when you cited, with delight, that bumper sticker that said someone had gotten a "Limbaughtomy.''

Face it, Greg, you're suffering from liberal induced failure to be very happy (FTBVH), even though you don't think of yourself as a liberal. Be honest now - President Bush makes veins pop out of your neck. The 8 percent profit from my Exxon stock gets you all riled up, even though we both spent decades in an industry thatmakes far higher profits.Andmost of the people you know hate Rush Limbaugh with a purple passion, even as they insist they've never listened to him.

I hate to see this happening to my old pal. So I think, for your health, you need to vote for JohnMcCain this fall, tune in Rush Limbaugh tomorrowmorning and give him a try, and maybe even pick up a couple of shares of ExxonMobil.

I care about you, Greg, and I want you to be a very happy guy, just like me. Think CHANGE, old pal.You canmake it happen.

Your very happy friend,

Red State Dave d_simpson@bresnan.net

Dear Dave:

You know, I get a little nervous when you pitch one slow and down the middle like this. That ball is such a big oldmarshmallow it just doesn't seem fair to swing away and ruin your ERA. You're not the kind of guy to give up a run on purpose, and I hate to take advantage. Therefore, I won't bring out the big guns.

Nor will I tell you about my old granddaddy, who liked to say, "A blind pig don't care if the sun ain't shinin, as long as he's ankle deep in slop."

Kind of like you happy conservatives- standing out there in the dark of night, up to your shinbones in dividends from your ExxonMobil stock, absolutely unable to see all the dangers in the world that could turn you into sizzling slabs of bacon.

And I certainly won't criticize your parenting skills by pointing out that any dad who makes his son listen to Rush Limbaugh probably deserves a visit fromchild services, and ought to thank his lucky stars if the worst that happens is that the boy grows up to be a young man who's a little ticked off at eight years of lies, environmental malfeasance and Napoleonic arrogance from the Shrub's presidential administration.

Gosh, it's a wonder he's not so depressed he's wearing turtlenecks, reading Allen Ginsberg poetry and spending all day with the black-out curtains in his garret pulled to keep the world out. Or worse, lining that garret with tinfoil so the NSA can't read his thought transmissions.

If he gets too bad, have him give me (or better yet, my wife) a call and we'll talk him down. He just has to hold on for a while and it will all be better.

Because, Dave, while you conservatives have had so much to feel good about for the last eight years, and we non-kneejerkers have had so little, it's all about to CHANGE, but not in the way you suggested in your note.

One way or another, Shrub is gone come January, and he'll take Lord Cheney and his minions with him. And whether John McCain replaces him (which the polls say is unlikely, but which you can't always believe because they're, well, polls), or whether it's Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama who takes over, there'll be a little more for us FTBVHers to smile about in the morning.

And eight years from January, or 12 or 16, we'll be reading another story in the Wall Street Journal (a very short story, since Rupert Murdoch doesn't like long ones) about Mr. Brooks' latest book, the one about conservative unhappiness titled "The Ditto Heads'Dark Night of the Soul." That book will outline the difficulty of effectively treating the epidemic of conservative induced FTBVH, because medical science has yet to invent a psychotropic drug strong enough to meet the challenge.

When that happens, just remember this, partner: I'll be there for you- even if Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Michael Savage, Ann Coulter and Dr. Laura aren't (they couldn't care less). That's what friends are for.

Your soon-to-be-happier friend

Blue State Greg gbean@gmnews.com